As a young adult paying his own way in life, there were times when I had to scrape all my change together just so I could put three dollars of gas in the car. I started to become embarrassed having to prepay for a little gas at a time.
Gas was probably one of the first things I started to budget for, setting aside enough money to pay for all the gas I needed between paychecks. I have felt proud knowing that there is money to cover filling the tank up to the very top every time I stop for gas for almost 20 years. And I have filled the tank up every single stop every single time for many, many years.
Today, that run ended. I only had 10$ or a credit card to buy gas with. I chose not to rely on credit, but I feel a little sad about it. It's not just because my faith that God will provide for my family is being tested. I feel that being tested brings me closer to God. I'm happy that I can rely on God to provide for me and I know that he will. After all, I had 10$ didn't I?
What makes me sad is that my pride streak has ended. Think about how awesome that really is. It will take 20 years to get back to where I was. I'll be 60 years old by then, if I am even alive. That's just so I can break the current streak.
No one else may really understand. Perhaps I shouldn't be sad. I have not had to feel the pain of pushing a handful of change across a counter, desperate just to get to work for another week, in almost 20 years. Maybe not filling the tank up is just a reminder that God has been providing gas for me all along.